Cold Hard Truth

Hello, I would like to tell you about my experience and also talk about a few people that I have spoken with or tried to speak with and give accounts of their demeanor, their actions and their words. They are troubling, painful and sadness just pours into my heart because I know the facts of life and people are not going to act or say the things you want them to. Please keep in mind that everyone is entitled to their own words, story and feelings. These are my own.

“My Christmas to my present journey”

December 2008

I couldn’t be happier that I was in a situation that I thought my life was finally moving forward after a failed marriage. I had just recently moved into a new apartment with my new girlfriend and everything seemed to be going great except I was in love, but depressed. Imagine that. I wasn’t working and the economy took a bad turn, only way to apply for jobs was online through career finding websites, so I fell apart mentally although I held it together well, by being angry all the time, not caring about anything and always looking at things in a negative way so that is what I came to expect. My relationship was by far from the greatest and I hated myself for it, quite frankly, I resented myself and not for the reasons I have just mentioned.

I was told that I was going to love my Christmas present and it was the best one out of all the gifts she has bought for me. I couldn’t be more excited, but yet I was ashamed inside because I did not have a gift for her, for another year in a row. The night I was putting together her daughter’s kitchen set, my girlfriend told me that she was ready to give me my present. I stood up, looked at her with smiles and she said, after presents are opened, you need to leave and not come back, we are over with. My heart broke. I cried, broke down with the please don’t do this and the i’m sorry’s that I have promised before.

Christmas Day, I wanted present time to drag on forever, I felt like there was something that I could say or do that could change the outcome of what was going to be reality in just a few short minutes, but there was nothing and then it happened. I was being told it was time to leave. I cried, begged one last time, then left. When that door closed, I felt like my life ended and it was not my fault. I was furious with the world that I could not find a job and the result was I lost everything so with that thought I looked for work the old fashioned way or so I thought I would.

Snow is falling, I’m at the beach and listening to the waves, freezing cold, shaking and waiting for 7am when I can go lay down in a warm place, but had to wait for my ex wife’s aunt to leave. I was a hated person in that household ever since I left their family. That’s another story in it’s own right. I knew that March was just a week away and the warmer weather will start coming so my spirits were high. I lasted through the winter months just fine bouncing from friend to friend and woods to beaches. I slept in my broken car a few times before it got towed, life wasn’t so bad at this point. I know summer time brought work that I could go out and get so I could get my “girlfriend” back. I was so in love.

I thought of something, I knew if I went to look for work everyday my brother would see that I am trying my best and if he got a call on his phone that Burger King, McDonald’s or the local food market’s called asking for me because of a job interview he would see that I was not wrong and I was looking for work so he would see my side and I would be right and he would be proud of me. I remember hanging out with him on his balcony smoking a cigarette and him saying, hey bro, you got to go, my mother in law does not want you here. So I knew it was best not to bring his family down and I respected those wishes. I left, this time, it was warm out, sun on my face, not a care in the air other than the salt that I smell. Or so I thought.

I was again, without a place to sleep. Now I am asking myself if I have burned the bridges I crossed or am I the right one in my situations. I ponder this thought for some time as I meet up with a friend for some early morning alcoholic beverages. The days past and I could not take it anymore. I needed help. I knew it, my friends knew it, my family knew it and I had finally reached the conclusion that everything was my fault.

I sought help from my local social services office because this is where I get help from my government. Unfortunately after a few days of bouncing between office to office, I was finally admitted into a shelter. It only took for me, a 29 year old man to cry alone outside the social services office. I don’t know if it was guilt or compassion, but I knew I was going to get help. The help I got was $140 a month in cash and $230 in food stamps along with a 30 day stay in a homeless shelter.

Those were the days, I tell ya! Waking up at 8am with the sun shining, pc time is yours in the morning right after breakfast so you have the whole day to myself to lounge around! Oh wait! Computer time was job hunting time, but Facebook was more important and lounging around? ha! You mean constantly asking for cigarettes at a hot ass bus stop lounging around then sure, let it be that. Well welcome to my day at the shelter. Yea 2 days a week I did the required attending of programs to stay in the shelter, but I was set. 30 days was going to be another and another. This was the normal thing here from what other residents are saying is happening to them.

I was gracious enough to have a friend who cares about me because I care about him. He is a genuine friend who has tried to be there for me every step of the way, but due to his own situations he could not allow me to stay in his home. The day came where that all changed! I had a source of income, a way to put food in the house and knowing the family for many years, they did not have any other concerns. I was going to be ok and surrounded by people who care to see me get back on my feet and are giving me that chance.

We laughed, drank, played Halo all night on our days off and worked overnights and at the movie theater a few days a week for some extra cash. I couldn’t be more happier because my “girlfriend” was back in my life. She had saw the change and constant talking on my behalf made it happen. We were doing it slow this time, she was back home with her parents and I was living with my friend. One day out of the blue I received some news of my mother, my real mother, whom I have not seen since I was a little baby. We talked for hours about our lives and everything was going good again.

August comes and goes, My friend and I have parted ways. We lost our home because Halo was more important. I was again homeless, but in a position where I as only homeless for 2 weeks before I move to Arizona to live with my mother. I stayed at my brother’s new house where I was welcomed for those 2 weeks only. Arizona was beautiful, really didn’t stay long enough to fully experience the State, because I was on my way back to NJ to see my girl.

Man I tell you what, February 2010 to Nov/Dec 2010 was a blast! Working so many hours that I could not imagine was possible. What was sleep? Money was coming in, I was going to get married and everything was great since it was warm outside at night so I could sleep on the beach or in my car with the windows down. Yea, if you haven’t noticed by now, I don’t think things through nor do I take accountability for being a responsible adult, but I can play adult any time it was deemed necessary. I had one worry now, Winter 2010 was approaching fast. Days were getting colder and colder. I was shaking so bad I thought I would have a heart attack. I was hungry, cookies were not cutting it anymore. I needed to call my family. I had to stop being embarrassed of my latest actions.

I am happy to say it is 2018. I am happily married in a stable relationship with my best friend. Someone who I met because I chose not to play games and took the adult life seriously

February 2018 to present…

“I Met All of You”

Today, Help The Homeless Coin is one month into launch and I have chosen the path that lays before all of you. I am prepared to take my story, my faults, my learned wisdom and my friends on this amazing journey. The way I feel when I help another brings the truest form of joy to my heart because I wish I had it. I feel emotional as I write this now. I am truly blessed even though I am not religious. I am thankful I met all of you.

July 14, 2018 was a day that I went to Destiny’s Bridge. I have known the stories of this place, I heard the troubles they are having and its sad. People should not be homeless. Help The Homeless Coin was proud to bring over 50 care packages to them and show them that even though times are tough, people still care. As I talked to them I can see their confusion in their eyes as to why a crypto currency was talking to them about homelessness. I explained it to the best of my ability and they understood well enough to see we what we are doing. I cannot wait to bring more information about Destiny’s Bridge to you all. Times are difficult now for them so we can only stand strong and think of them during these times as they look for another place to call home.

July 31-Aug 1, 2018

Tonight was pretty crazy. My wife and I went to Atlantic City to help those who need it. We decided the best option would be to get gift cards and pass them out to those who are on the boardwalk so we can be around as much people as possible so we can stay as safe as possible. Like I said, that was the best laid out plan. We arrived at the boardwalk to find it desolate. After all it was 2am on a Wednesday during the summer in Atlantic City so the place should be packed. Guess again. It could not have been more creepier. We thought about leaving, but my disappointment of failure led me to find a few people who I thought I was going to help.

I approached a smiling middle aged woman. She was fiddling around in her bag. I asked if I could have a moment of her time and spoke to her about why I was there. She said she was not homeless and I apologized and moved on knowing all too well that she is homeless and she is mentally ill. I walked with my wife a little farther and kept looking over my shoulder to see this lady moving from bench to bench and fiddling with her belongings any time someone walked near her. The dark reality was setting in. This was not the time to do this.

I met a gentleman named Jerome. He was laying down sleeping, but was woken up by some other people so I came to speaking with him. I gave him the scoop as to why I was there and who I am. He as happy, excited, he said he didn’t have to look in the garbage cans tonight. He reeked of alcohol, he was drunk, thankfully I was between him and my wife for that just in case moment, which thankfully never came. Jerome, was not a Trump supporter, he is a Trump progessor, he wants that to be known. He says Trump is on to something. I thank him for his time, ask for a picture or to video, he shouts and wants to go back to sleep. Yes, it is time to move on.

Shawn, the man in the wheelchair. Seeing him makes me think of all those who were injured due to medical issues, combat or accidents. He has one leg. I teared up. Like Jerome, others had woken him up so I seized on the opportunity to speak with him. Shawn was excited! He thanked me, shook my hand, said he could get something to eat. I felt accomplished, but at the same time his words resonated through my body. He shouted that he was rudely woken up and wants to go to sleep. I ask for picture or video and he yells “DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID!!!” Truly is a scarier world than I lived in, but again, I had very little support to their none.

The last person I met with to round out my morning did not give me his name, mumbled a few unintelligible words followed by a “Thank You kind sir” . I tried to talk to him about what we were, but the awkwardness of real life was setting in. He said a few mumbled words again followed by a “God Bless You”, I say the same and return to my wife. I knew at this point asking permission for video was not an option so I had my wife record our interaction and that can be seen on our YouTube page. We returned to our car to head home. On our way my wife mentions a man named Phil and I cannot take another heart breaking incident so my tears fell knowing that I may have a chance to change a man’s life.

Presently talking with Phil and more details to come.

Thank You for taking the time to read this and hear about my journey to date. Yes some tings have been left out only to keep this as short as possible. I appreciate the support from our community and I would not change this for anything. We believe in Help The Homeless Coin.

Even though we have different stories, different ways of life, different cultures, races and so many other differences the cold hard truth is we all have one thing in common, we are human.